News of the US is slow to arrive in Chez XE these days. Only this past week did I read that Newt Gingrich converted to Roman Catholicism two YEARS ago! How could Faux News--or the Huffington Post--miss that?? Newtie and wife #3, Callista, have been visiting various ecclesiastical venues to flog the film they produced about Pope John Paul's role in the collapse of communism in Poland. Surely they're also pushing the DVD for Newt's book Rediscovering God in America II: Our Heritage. (Bummer! Something else I've missed while blogging fearlessly for librulism. What was the first one in this series? Rediscovering God in America I: What a Surprise?) Since receiving this gem of news-gathering, however, I have been amusing myself with What This All Means for Newt's On-and-on-and-ongoing Career Ambitions. He's almost 70 and thrice married, hardly a prime background for a presidential candidate--"I knew Ron Reagan, and you, sir, are no Ron Reagan!"
There can be only one worthy deneuement here: Newt as Pope. Oh, I know. Newt is only a pew-crawling Catholic; he's not a priest, bishop, or more important, a cardinal. In the old days, however, nonpriests could be made cardinals (several), and if the nonpriest cardinal were then elected pope (there was one: Pope John XIX ), they ordained and consecrated him at the same time they made him Pope, ipso fatso. Also, there has never been a Pope John XX! Plus, Pope John XIX's brother and nephew were both popes, and, get this, both named BENEDICT--there ya go, Newtie! Doesn't this sound tailor made for you?
I keep thinking how natural Newt would look in the Pope's garb. The pointy hat (so well suited to his beady eyes), the pudge-flattering cassock with cape, the RED SHOES with matching socks. OMG...Ian Paisley will have a field day: "Auld Red Socks," indeed! I do tend to think of Newt as the AntiChrist. That's tailor made for him, too.
He'll have to do something about Callista (AND wife #2), though. He can't be having her (them) stand beside him when he blesses the faithful from the balcony of St. Peter's. They can stay inside and cook and clean with the nuns. They'll love that.
What a fantastic idea to deal with 2 problems at once -- Newt and the Pope Benedict.
ReplyDeleteTerrific post! More like this, please!
Anne: One does one's best....If you have suggested topics, please share....Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYou are so funny, Mary Ellen. Newt for Pope. Hilarious.
ReplyDeleteFirst there was Born Again Bush, and now Pope Gingrich. How could our nation possibly spawn two such strong leaders?
ReplyDeleteDarlene: Keep laughing....maybe he'll get the hint and go away.
ReplyDeleteJoared: SPAWN is right....
LOL.
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, what is he thinking. As a Catholic he has more of a chance becoming Pope than President. His Republican base -- Christian/fundamentalists/protestant/babtist/bible-thumpers -- hate catholics. To them, all things Catholic are of the devil.
The GOP is becoming more pathetic (and desperate) by the day.
Brilliant. I count 4 solved probs: USA would get rid of him--or at least get him farther away; He would wear long gowns--and the size of his head would be minimized; Altar boys would be safer--but girls watch out; and my eyes would be relieved from the sight of him lumbering through Pentagon City--at least such a lumber would require a transatlantic flight.
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This is funny. As a card-carrying Papist, I have to say I haven't noticed too much hoorahing in the church press about his conversion. Guess that may be a comment in itself (I hope).
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Anonymous 1: you run into pope newt the naught in PC mall?? shudder....
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 2: since the Repuglicans are cutting funding for programs that aid the poor here and around the world, what's the church press got to hoorah??
Which would we rather be reading about: Newt or Charlie Sheehan? Too much air time, people.
ReplyDeleteM.E. The latest anon comment is mine. Happened because was seized with notion of traveling here from Safari rather than usual perch. Now can I be usual self? Let's see. -a little red hen
ReplyDeleteNDB: whew! you're back in bidness here.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 3 (apparently NDB): who said anything about the sheen kid? love how our media find things to distract us from what our elected leaders are trying to take away from us.
Snort! Finally, a use for that big, square head of his. It's also just right for me to award him SC's highest honorific, the Wade Hampton Asshat Award.
ReplyDeleteNance: well, I'll have to look that up on the google. never heard of wade hampton, and he's already got an asshat award?
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