Good Advice

cathy says she's seen this, but i never have. too funny.

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk
ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me
either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan
belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're
going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be
replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like
everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try
missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him
how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in
half and put it back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither
one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just
after you need it.

19. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill
and a laxative on the same night.