Death on a Popsicle Stick

The 16th Winter Deaflympics, just concluded in Salt Lake City, Utah, on February 10, 2007, produced a cookbook. It reminds me of the KFYR cookbooks from Bismarck or the Frank N. Magid Associates cookbooks from the 70s and 80s, or even the White Trash Cookbook, which attained actual publication. I'm sure most people can relate to this kind of cookbook or this kind of recipe. Maybe you've even eaten something like this and lived to tell about it.

Here's a recipe that calls forth the kind of cooking that killed our relatives: Deep Fried Twinkies, or Death on a Popsicle Stick.

Deep Fried Twinkies/Death on a Popsicle Stick
6 Twinkies
6 Popsicle sticks
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons vinegar
1 tablespoon oil
1 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
recommended amount of cooking oil for your fryer

Take your Twinkies and impale them on the popsicle sticks. Leave enough stick protruding from the Twinkies to get a decent grip and toss the Twinkies into the freezer overnight. On the day of the deed, mix your flour, baking powder, and salt. In a separate dish, mix your milk, vinegar, and oil. Once the liquids are mixed, whisk them into the dry mix and stir until smooth. This is your batter. Toss it into the fridge.

Heat your fryer to about 375. Once the oil is at the proper temperature, take your Twinkies from the freezer, dust lightly with flour, and swish through the batter mix, making sure to coat evenly and fully.

Holding your Twinkie stick with some tongs, dunk it into the oil. It's going to try to float, so hold it under the surface until it turns a nice golden brown--usually about three to four minutes. Toss Twinkie onto a paper towel, allow to drain, and consume.

If your cardiologist finds out you've been eating these, I didn't post this. I wasn't here, and you must have gotten the recipe from my evil twin, Skippy.
-Anonymous

Here's another recipe of a similar genre: 7 Layer Salad.

1 head lettuce, chopped
1 layer red onions
1 layer cauliflower
1 layer carrots, grated
1 layer bacon, crumbled
1 cup salad dressing (mayonnaise or other)

Layer each ingredient in dish. Spread salad dressing over top. Cover, refrigerate overnight.
-J. R., Woods Cross, Utah

And for dessert? 7-Up Cake!

1 - 2/3 cup margarine
3 cups sugar (!)
5 eggs
3 cups flour
1 tablespoon lemon extract
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup 7-Up
Powdered sugar

Cream together margarine and sugar.
Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
Add flour and extracts and beat well.
Gently fold in 7-Up.
Pour into well greased 10-cup bundt pan.

Bake at 325 degrees for 1-1/4 hours.
Dust with powdered sugar and serve.

Makes 10-15 servings.
-B. T., Clinton, Arkansas

As they say in these kinds of cookbooks, "Enjoy!"