Thanks, Stu...(and Brian). I especially like "maintenance free" :)
What the Marketing people write - versus what they truly mean . . .
NEW - Finally sold all of the old model & lost the old blueprints :-(
ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.
EXCLUSIVE - Imported product. Instruction manual in Chinese.
UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments.
ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn’t understand it.
IT’S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
HIGH ACCURACY - All parts fit.
FUTURISTIC - No conceivable reason for it to look the way it does.
REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope.
DIRECT SALES ONLY - Manufacturer had a big argument with distributor.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work.
BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a use for it.
MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours.
SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.
HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it.
NON-REFUNDABLE - We couldn’t make it work long enough to ship it.
INTUITIVE USER INTERFACE - Does not come with a manual.
CHEAP - Shoddy.
I remember the days when the thing that made a product most desirable was that it was "NEW!"
ReplyDeleteI can't think of anything that an ad could say to make a product seem most desirable. FREE?
ReplyDeleteThe worst for me is when they have a good, easy-to-use product, listen to all the user feedback, and then tie it into a big knot of "features" that you can't figure out how to use.
ReplyDeleteMy laptop is full of downloaded manuals and books of instruction for the various gadgets I've acquired at yard sales. How else could I work these things without their help? And how often I pass up many of the various things my gadgets can do because they seem too complicated. I saw an online article this a.m. on things the Blackberry can do that the iPhone can't. Haven't chased that down yet. Ha.
ReplyDeleteALL NEW also means it will refuse to synch up with the electronics you already have :(
ReplyDeleteSo true!!! i think of all the writing on disks that don't work any more with anything.
ReplyDelete