The Future of Sins

I'm going to take a break today from the headache-inducing crap being said about Silda Spitzer and other women who stand by their man when he gets caught committing adultery. I'm not talking about gems like Echidne's "so [she] can more precisely kick his gonads." I mean the truly stupid remarks like, "...Must be something in it for her," as proclaimed by Sally Quinn in the WashPost.

Instead, I'm going to focus on the Pope's list of NEW DEADLY SINS! They are refreshingly hip and up-to-date (if you are still back in the 14th century with many of the boys in the Vatican). These new sins should really give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to our interest in the Church! For example,

#1 baddie on the first list I saw was ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION! I couldn't believe my eyes! Will people be asked to turn in their gas-guzzlers at special mass absolution ceremonies? Will the parish parking lots be plowed and turned into organic gardens? (That might put all those flirtatious little altar boys to work for a change! Idle hands....)

And #2 was GENETIC ENGINEERING!! I'm wondering...does this include marrying someone smart so your kids won't be as dopey as the rest of your relatives?

But I digress. Several people asked me today if the new sins will supercede the Ten Commandments. Will the behavior condemned by the new sins of today become the acceptable practices of tomorrow? Being honest to a fault (not on the new list!), I said I didn't know.

It's hard to predict these things. Although, look what happened to the former mortal sin of USURY! In Medieval times, lending money for interest was an express ticket to L'Inferno. Not only was it greedy, it was unkind. If you had money lying around not being used (sinful in itself, although probably not MORTALLY sinful), you were supposed to give it to your neighbor or friend if they had suffered some calamity and needed it. Lending it to them meant charging them a fee (interest), and that. was. not. done!

Nowadays the enlightened soul realizes that people are supposed to take care of themselves, to be self-sufficient. After dropping 10 percent of their GROSS income into the collection basket, proper souls carry health insurance and car insurance and property insurance. They have cash reserves and savings accounts (another 10% of the gross should go in there).

Of course, after paying for all these things, there's not much left, especially if the enlightened soul also is avoiding the new mortal sin of being excessively rich. Gas is now around $4 a gallon here, and bread is, like, $7 a loaf. That's why nowadays, the priests play golf with the bankers and insurance men. Usury has been DROPPED FROM THE LISTS! Are your pockets short of change after you've paid for all these necessities? Relax! For everything else, there's MasterCard!