OK, OK...just one*, then back to vacation....

VE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTRAN AIR IS NOW OPERATING FROM DULUT AIRPORT. YA SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN and NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, DA no-frills airline. You're all in DA same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience. Der is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.

Meals are potluck.
Rows 1-6, bring rolls;
7-15, bring a salad;
16-21, hot dish, and
22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in DA rear of DA aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by free will-offering and DA plane will not land 'til DA budget is met.

Pay attention now to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit DA safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599.

Okay den, listen up you guys I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In DA event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean DA Second Coming or something of dat nature, and I vouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on DA rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to vorry about den dat. Yust stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably DA masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In DA event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying DA Lord's Prayer and yust hope you get to DA part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but vut can you do?

Da use of cell phones on DA plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse DA plane's navigation system, which is seat of DA pants all DA way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in DA wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He vould have put your mout on DA side of your head.

Ve start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit DA coffee pot up front. Den ve'll have DA hymn sing; hymnals are in DA seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I'll say Grace:

Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest
And let deze gifts to us be blessed.
Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost,
May we land in Dulut or pretty close.

Amen!"

* Tanks an a tip o' the sun bonnet to M'reen. God bless her real good!

On vacation

Xtreme English will be on hiatus until October or so. For an interesting read, check out Writers Almanac.

Anon,
XE

"Falling for Grace"

Tribeca Film Festival this year showed "Falling for Grace," a remarkably enjoyable romantic comedy produced, written, and directed by--and starring!--Fay Ann Lee. Besides Lee, who plays Grace, the cast also includes Margaret Cho, Gale Harold, and Christine Baranski. The movie played in DC this past Saturday at the AMC Loews Dupont 5 theater just off Dupont Circle.

After the movie finished, Lee herself stood up before the audience for a surprise Q and A session about the movie, her life, Chinatown, the importance of family. She's as beautiful and articulate in real life as she is in the movie.

The movie has shown in only two places so far--San Francisco and Washington DC--but it's gotten good reviews since airing at Tribeca (see "Press" section in the official website).

Somebody in the reviews said Lee may be the Asian Julia Roberts. I dunno....did Julia Roberts write, produce, direct, and star in her first movie? Lee's a phenomenon. The movie's still here, and if anyone from DC reads this post, do yourself a favor and go see it. You can bring the kids...the movie has a PG-13 rating.

Bridge Collapse in Minneapolis

The Star Tribune has an article of great interest on the condition of the bridge that collapsed yesterday evening. The following link will take you to the article, but you will need to sign up with the Strib in order to read it. There is no cost to signing up.

Basically, the article says that the bridge was rated "structurally deficient" in 2005, that the State of Minnesota department in charge of bridges knew about it, and that nothing was done about repairing or replacing the bridge (other than the superficial, cosmetic repairs going on yesterday).

You won't get this information from many other newspaper or online reports on the bridge collapse. Further, the statement of one of the Minnesota reps in Congress that "the bridge was tested last year and got a clean bill of health" is misinformed at best and disingenuous spin at worst.

If you want to know what happens when the funding for the repair and replacement of the nation's infrastructure is diverted to Bush Co's costly, idiotic, immoral war, look no further than the photos of the collapsed bridge in Minnesota.

Another joke, same source...

This is our day for foolishness...here's another co-worker's contribution to the light side:

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin His reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.


She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti"
on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife."Honey,"she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white,and fainted.


On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."

Office joke of the week

My coworkers send me all these jokes...this one cracked me up:

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?" The salesperson answers, " Which one? We have:

Work out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
Divorced Barbie for $265.95

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and
the others are only $19.95?" The salesperson annoyingly answers: "Sir...,
Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car,
Ken's House,
Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture,
Ken's Computer and...
One of Ken's Friends