There's been a load of happy Christmas memories afloat in Blogland this week. I have my share of very pleasant memories of Yuletides past, but what I find morbidly fascinating are the stories I've heard of not-so-happy Christmases. The following are both true. They didn't happen to me or any of my relatives, but they came to me from a very reliable source.
The first story is about a family at Christmas dinner. Grandma and Grandpa were visiting, and the young mom had produced a splendid feast. While they were eating, the family started arguing light-heartedly about something...probably sports. Suddenly Grandma stood up, threw her napkin on her plate, and said, "I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of you all, and I'm especially sick of HIM." She pointed to Grandpa, whose fork was paused in mid air as he turned his head to see if it really was his wife who was talking like this. Grandma continued, "I've had it. I want a divorce! And I'm taking the car." With that, she stalked to the front hall, grabbed her coat and purse, slammed out the door, and drove off. I asked the narrator at this point what happened next, and she said, "Well, she drove to a motel in..........and they had to give him a ride home."
The second story concerns a family on Christmas Eve. The grandmother had to work late, and when she got home, she discovered one of her children and the child's spouse trying to comfort their screaming toddler. The kid had his arm in a sling and was wiping his nose on the back of the couch as he sobbed into the upholstery. Just then, Grandpa arrived, and asked what was going on. Grandma explained that toddler had gotten his arm twisted in daycare, and that the little family had come over to her place and let themselves in after they got out of the emergency room. Then Grandma broke down, sobbing...."What's the most important thing to me in MY LIFE?!" Grandpa said, "Your grandchild?" and Grandma said, "NO!!! MY WHITE COUCH!!!" and she pointed to the snot and slobber all over the back cushions.
I also recall the Christmas card that was Tom's favorite:
On the outside: Santa and his reindeer about to land the sleigh on a snow-covered rooftop.
On the inside: "Here comes fatty with his bag of crap!"
Merry Christmas, however it lands on your house......